Falling Forward: Embracing Mistakes and Advancing LGBTQ Inclusion
By Mason Aid
As we recognize International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia on May 17, I want to be clear: showing up for LGBTQ people, especially transgender and nonbinary people, is more important now than it has been in years. In Missouri alone, there are currently 67 bills with anti-trans language being tracked by the Trans Legislation Tracker.
These aren’t just headlines. They’re real attacks on our ability to live, work, and exist safely. I’m one of the people these bills impact. And I’m also one of the people who believes we can build something better together.
In October 2022, I had the opportunity to speak about two of my favorite things: LGBTQ inclusion and roller derby. A lot has happened since then, especially in the last few months.
The ways allies can and should show up for LGBQ and T communities (and yes, I’m intentionally separating the T here) have shifted. In many ways, they’re the same. In other ways, everything feels heavier. More urgent.
For those of us in these communities, the weight of that urgency can be overwhelming. And for allies, it can feel confusing, like you don’t know where to start.
So, here’s what I want to say: small actions matter. You don’t need to be the loudest voice at a rally (though that helps!). Sometimes, it’s the quiet moments that mean the most. “I’m so glad to see you.”
There’s a lot of power in shifting from “How are you?” to “I’m so glad to see you.”
When people ask me how I am, especially those I’m not super close to, I freeze a little. I wonder how honest I should be. I think about the weight I’m carrying, and sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to go there.
But “I’m so glad to see you”? That feels like relief. It shifts the focus away from struggle and toward the fact that you’re simply glad I exist, however I show up.
Self-Educate
I’m an educator, and I genuinely enjoy talking about my gender and lived experiences. But I’m an outlier. Most LGBTQ folks are emotionally spent just from trying to live. So unless someone offers to educate you, don’t ask. There are so many thoughtful, accessible resources out there for every stage of your learning journey. (I’ve included a few at the end of this piece.)
Support Can Be Quiet, and Still Powerful
Even if you’re not close to someone who’s LGBTQ, you can still be an ally.
Speak up for inclusion initiatives in your workplace. Be the squeaky wheel.
Ask your employer what they’re doing for Pride Month, and push for more than surface-level support.
Donate to organizations serving LGBTQ people, especially at the local level.
Correct misgendering when you hear it. Share resources. Have uncomfortable conversations with people still figuring it out.
Normalize our existence. Whether it’s a rainbow pin or a warm smile at a coffee shop—let us just be without making it a big deal.
You’re Going to Mess Up. That’s Part of It.
Inclusion is a journey, not a checklist. We’re going to make mistakes. I do, too.
Whether it’s misgendering someone or not realizing a phrase is offensive, these moments will happen. What matters is how we respond. The goal isn’t to never mess up. It’s to fall forward.
If you want more on how to do that, check out my TEDxStLouis talk from 2022. I go deeper into what it means to fall, learn, and keep showing up.
Start Here: Educational Resources
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network): A leading organization championing LGBTQ-inclusive education, providing research-based resources and policy guidance to create affirming learning environments for all students.
The Trevor Project: LGBTQ mental health resources.
National Center for Transgender Equality: Trans and nonbinary education.
PFLAG St. Louis: A vital support network offering education, advocacy, and community for families, friends, and allies of LGBTQ individuals, fostering understanding and inclusion at every stage of the journey.
Support These Organizations
Watch Mason Aid's TEDx Talk here, performed October 22, 2022 at the Kirkwood Performing Arts Center.
The Speaker Spotlight Series celebrates past TEDx speakers from the St. Louis area, highlighting their latest projects, ideas, and sources of inspiration. Join us at our next live event! Follow us on social media, join our email list, and discover how you can get involved at tedxsaintlouis.org.